| Recently the well known American news anchor | | | | wanted to live, but she never said she was |
| Peter Jennings died of lung cancer just a | | | | going to fight this cancer. One of the |
| few months after he publicly announced that | | | | things I watched her do is that she decided |
| he had the disease and that he was going to | | | | to drop everything that was stressful from |
| fight it with everything he had. | | | | her life." |
| | | | |
| After his death, I read some of the tributes | | | | Shopping was stressful for her, so she |
| that poured in about the life of Peter | | | | dropped it. Driving a car was stressful so |
| Jennings. One of the common themes that | | | | she stopped driving. In fact, she stopped |
| appeared in the statements made by his | | | | doing everything she didn't want to do, and |
| friends and colleagues was that they | | | | she only kept the things she really enjoyed. |
| remembered what a determined, competitive man | | | | |
| he was. | | | | And she made a point of becoming very relaxed |
| | | | and enjoying her life. |
| They said that he took on his battle with | | | | |
| cancer head on, and that he fought his cancer | | | | Then Brian told me, "This experience made me |
| the way he battled everything, with steely | | | | think that maybe the idea of fighting for |
| will and determination. And unfortunately he | | | | your life when you have cancer is like trying |
| didn't win. | | | | to fight off insomnia." |
| | | | |
| Reading about Peter Jennings' losing battle | | | | "If you decide to fight insomnia by gritting |
| with lung cancer reminded me of another | | | | your teeth and saying 'I'm tough, I've fought |
| conversation I had had about cancer very | | | | lots of battles, I'm going to fight this |
| recently. | | | | insomnia and I' m going to beat this thing, |
| | | | well, you'll never fall asleep. It won't |
| Last week I had a meeting with one of my | | | | work." |
| business associates, a man named Brian, to | | | | |
| discuss some business matters. | | | | Now I can't say that what seemed to work for |
| | | | Brian's mother in living with cancer is the |
| After our business meeting was finished, | | | | miracle key for anyone else who has cancer. |
| Brian started telling me about his parent's | | | | This wasn't a scientific study, and many |
| experience of living with cancer. A lot of | | | | other factors are involved. |
| what Brian had to say was very thought | | | | |
| provoking to me. | | | | But Brian's comments about his mother's |
| | | | approach to living with cancer, and his |
| Brian told me that his mother had been | | | | comments about trying to use will power to |
| diagnosed with a bad type of bone cancer and | | | | fight insomnia are worth keeping in mind when |
| doctors had told her that she had only a very | | | | we are facing a problem. Not every problem |
| short time to live. Yet in spite of the fact | | | | can be solved with will power and |
| that her cancer kept spreading to other parts | | | | determination. |
| of her body, she managed to live fourteen | | | | |
| years longer than what her doctors had | | | | In such fields as business and sports, an |
| originally predicted. | | | | attitude of determination and competitiveness |
| | | | can be very useful, and can be highly |
| Brian said that he often wondered why his | | | | rewarded. If we have been very successful in |
| mother managed to live such a long time with | | | | these fields by being high powered, |
| cancer when many of his younger friends who | | | | determined and aggressive, we may try to use |
| got cancer died of it quite quickly. | | | | the same approach to tackle every problem. |
| | | | Aggressively and head-on. With grit and |
| Brian told me "I come from a sports and | | | | determination. |
| athletic background, and so a lot of my | | | | |
| friends are athletes. My athletic friends | | | | However, being aggressive and determined does |
| tend to be very focused and competitive | | | | not work on every kind of problem. |
| people, and they're used to being very | | | | |
| aggressive. When they were diagnosed with | | | | If your mate is unhappy in your marriage, or |
| cancer, I watched them go into their | | | | your child has a serious illness, or if you |
| competitive and athletic mode, and they would | | | | have too much stress in your life, then using |
| say 'I'm going to fight this thing'. | | | | determination and aggression will not solve |
| | | | these problems. In these situations, |
| They would fight their cancer the same way | | | | aggressiveness does not work. |
| they fought their athletic battles, with | | | | |
| gritted teeth and courage and determination. | | | | We need to recognize those situations where |
| | | | another approach might work better. |
| Brian said, "What I noticed about these guys | | | | |
| who were so tough and fought cancer so hard | | | | Sometimes what we need to do is relax more, |
| was that in a lot of cases they burned out | | | | let go of our illusion that we can control |
| really soon. | | | | everything, become more humble, and be open |
| | | | to living in the moment even when we don't |
| When my mother got cancer, Brian continued, | | | | know all the answers. |
| "Her approach was kind of the opposite. She | | | | |